


Parliament Hill

by missdibley



Series: Panic: A Series of One-Shots Set in London (except for the one set in Edinburgh) [3]
Category: British Actor RPF, Tom Hiddleston - Fandom
Genre: F/M, Flirting, KFC, London, Wingwoman, meet cute, wingman
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-02
Updated: 2015-09-02
Packaged: 2018-04-18 16:51:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4713353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missdibley/pseuds/missdibley
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Amelia is called upon to act as a sort of (chicken) wingwoman when her friend Mary snags a dinner date with Tom Hiddleston.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Parliament Hill

Mary asked me to come over on Friday night for two reasons: 1. to help her make dinner for this guy she had just started seeing, and 2. to help her pick out a dress to wear.

“Come on, Amelia,” she wheedled to me over the phone. “It’s not like you’re gonna be busy anyway.”

Ouch. But she was right. For as long as we’ve known each other, I’ve never had a Friday night date to keep me from helping her out with hers. I don’t know if that makes me a really good friend, or a spinster who needs to get out more.

“I really like this guy, Ames. At least, I think I do. I mean, I like his movies.”

“His movies?” I sat up in bed, where I’d been lying, dicking around on Tumblr.

Mary giggled. “I knew that would get you. Get this… the guy I met? It’s Tom Hiddleston!”

At the sound of his name, I felt my heart sink into the pit of my stomach. Of course the guy she’s seeing is Tom Motherfucking Hiddleston, my number one crush. It’s dumb but he’s probably the reason why I’m always available on Friday nights, as every guy I see on the street or on OKCupid doesn't compare. Which is perhaps unreasonable, but it does leave me free to help Mary entertain the latest guy to fall for her beauty (which is considerable) or her intellect (which is formidable) or her personality (which is hospitable). I would resent Mary if she wasn’t such a good person, and such a good friend to me.

“Oh, him? Wow… that’s quite something.” I tried not to sound heartbroken on the phone. “How did you…”

“I bumped into him at the tube station. I was running in, and he was walking out. I walked right into him, and he was so sweet! Asking if I’d hurt myself, which I hadn’t, but of course I said I was a bit dizzy so I let him walk me home.”

“But weren’t you going somewhere?”

“Yeah, I was on my way to my Bar Method class, so I was all kitted out in my workout gear. I think he might have checked my arse out right before I gave him my number.”

“Well, I’m sure you’ll be happy together.” I didn’t sound convincing but Mary didn’t seem to notice.

“I hope so. He’s so cute, and very tall. He smelled great, like tangerines.”

“Um, that’s an interesting detail.” I made a mental note to remove any and all citrus fruits from my refrigerator. _Yeah, Amelia, that’ll show him._

“So will you do it? Will you come over? I’m almost home now.”

“Sure,” I muttered. “I just need to make a stop before I get there.”

* * *

Mary stood at the foot of her bed, frowning at her reflection in the full-length mirror hanging from her bedroom door.

“This one? Or this?” She held two dresses, one in each hand, that she would hold up to her body. Her fine blonde hair was styled into loose crimped waves, and her makeup was flawless. She had the figure of a Victoria’s Secret Angel, but clad in way fancier lingerie.

“Huh?” I looked up from the box of chicken I held in my lap. I held a drumstick in my right hand, a drumstick that I waved and pointed at her. “The blue one. Definitely blue.”

Mary turned back to look at herself in the mirror, the sky blue wraparound dress in front of her. “You think? You don’t think the red…”

“Too obvious. You don’t want to come on too strong. Not if this is your first date.” I shook my head.

“But it’s my house we’re having dinner at. That isn’t obvious already?”

I shrugged. “He’ll be on your turf, might be expecting a press. Maybe it would be best to disarm him, make him comfortable… and then move in for the kill.”

“Oooh… I hadn’t thought of that. A wolf in sheep’s clothing, like that?”

“Sure, that could work.” I got up from my spot on her floor, and wiped my hands on the back of my jeans. Stopping for a moment, I examined myself in her mirror. Frizzy brown hair, 25 (okay, 50) extra pounds that I would have preferred to be padding my ass instead of my gut, and my glasses. If Mary was a wolf, I was a... not wolf. What's non-threatening and a bit sloppy? A chocolate Lab. Perfect. My usual Friday night look.

I smiled at Mary. “You finish getting dressed. I’m gonna check on the food.”

“Thanks, Amelia. You’re the best!” Mary spun around then excitedly began wiggling into the blue dress.

“Yes. Aren’t I just?” I whispered to myself as I tromped downstairs to the kitchen.

* * *

The menu Mary had prepared looked fine. Cream of tomato soup, chicken paillard with wilted spinach, and creme brulee for dessert. It smelled great, and I’m sure it tasted wonderful. Mary was a little worried that I wouldn’t taste the food, but as I’d just inhaled some original recipe and chased it with a Diet Pepsi (because I’m watching my figure - HA), my palate was compromised by grease and whatever is used to sweeten diet soda. Anyway, I reasoned if it smelled delicious then it must taste delicious as well.

I left her flat, smelling a little of Mary’s perfume from when she kissed me goodbye, but mostly like the fried chicken I’d just inhaled on her bedroom floor. I thought I saw a car pull up in front of her building just as I was walking to the tube station, but I didn’t stay to peek. Not even for a second. If it was Tom, then his destiny was to eat Mary’s nice dinner, have nice sex with her, and have a nice rest of his life with my nice friend.

Just as it was my destiny to head to the KFC on the way to the tube for another box of chicken to eat on the train home.

When I got within a few blocks of the house that the Colonel built, I stopped and looked up. The moon was high and bright in the evening sky. It was probably too dark and too windy to hike up to Parliament Hill but fuck it, I was alone and I had some fried chicken calories to work off.

The walk up to the highest point in the city wasn’t too bad. There was no light but that which came from the moon, though I did use the light on my iPhone on some of the dodgy bits. I thought I’d be alone up there, but I shared the evening with a few dog walkers whose dogs licked my hands, no doubt smelling the chicken grease on my person. I looked out over the city, straining to see the dome of St. Paul’s or the Shard or the Gherkin. But I could see nothing I wanted to see, just some faraway lights and slow-moving clouds that slowly began to shield the moon from view.

I made it out of the park before the moonlight was gone completely, and was at the KFC in a matter of minutes. I stared up at the menu board, wondering if I should get dessert this time when I unintentionally began to eavesdrop on the phone conversation of the man standing in front of me.

“Hi, Mum. Good, how are you? Great… great. No, nothing in particular. Just getting some supper. Yes, I know it’s late but, erm, the first supper I had earlier was not… well, it was okay. Dinner at a friend’s. Okay, yes I mean dinner at a girl’s! She was fine. The food was fine, if a bit, well, safe. Okay, actually the food was bland. And no I don’t think it’s snobbish of me to… anyway. Mary. Her name is Mary, yes. Bumped into her on the street, quite literally, and I escorted her home when she said she was dizzy. She offered to cook me dinner to thank me, and who am I to say no to a supper invite from a pretty girl? Of course she was pretty. But… yes. It all went well. But yes, I’m still hungry.”

When he got off the phone, I couldn’t stop myself from tapping on his shoulder. When he turned around, I tried not to scream “WHY IS TOM HIDDLESTON LOOKING AT ME LIKE I’M A CRAZY PERSON IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS KFC?” His blond hair was a bit fluffy up front, and his shirtsleeves were rolled up past his elbows. His blue eyes were bright under the fluorescent lights. I wanted to hook my finger through the belt loop of his trousers and tug him all the way home, but I didn’t. I had to get some answers.

“So what was wrong with it?”

“Excuse me?”

“Dinner with Mary, the food. She made chicken paillard, which is one of the things she does best.”

“Were you listening to my conversation?”

I shrugged. “I couldn’t help it. You were standing right there nattering away while I was trying to decide between a two-piece white and a three-piece dark.”

Tom frowned at me, and I have to admit his look of consternation kinda turned me on. “I’m sorry, but have we met?”

I shook my head. “No, but we have a friend in common. Mary. The girl whose dinner you ate tonight.”

My heart was beating wildly in my chest as he leaned in closer to look at me. “So you’re the smell.”

“EXCUSE ME?” I took a step back. “I’M THE SMELL?!”

“Oh no no no!” Tom reached out and touched my arm. “What I meant was, I smelled fried chicken when I got to Mary’s, which made me hopeful that we’d be eating that for supper. And I got a little excited, maybe unreasonably, as I’m not permitted to eat that sort of thing while I’m training. I thought I was in for a treat.”

“Oh.” I nodded slowly. “So you thought the chicken paillard was bland?”

Tom shrugged. “It was fine. But I had already smelled the fried chicken, and that’s all I could think about. That was you, wasn’t it?”

I nodded. “I helped her pick out her dress, and helped a little with dinner.”

Tom smiled. “Nice job on the dress. She looked very pretty.”

“She always does.” I looked up at him, taking a last look before I made myself run away, to save myself. “When are you going to see her again?”

Tom looked uncomfortable. “Erm…”

“Sorry, that’s putting you on the spot, isn’t it?”

“Just a little.” Tom smiled. “You won’t tell her you saw me here, will you?”

“I don’t think she’d believe me anyway.” I looked over his shoulder at the menu. “Buy you some chicken?”

“You buy me chicken?” Tom chuckled.

“Sure,” I replied. “I left you with that smell that ruined what looked like a lovely meal by the way. The least I can do is pay for your…” I checked my wallet to see how much money I had. “Three-piece dark with one side and a soda. Whether you choose to confess this to Mary, your mother, or your trainer is entirely up to you.”

Tom smiled, then stepped aside so I could order chicken for the both of us.

* * *

“Oh really? I’m sorry to hear that.” Another Friday night, another last minute call from Mary. I was at home, pacing around the edge of my living room rug.

“Yeah, Tom just said something about being busy. I think it’s a dodge but whatever.”

“Wow, what an asshole.” I sighed. “So what are you going to do?”

“Oh, I’m over it.” Mary sounded breezy enough that I believed her. “And that’s why I called. Can you come over? I met someone at the gym, and he’s coming over for dessert.”

“Oh that’s easy. Can of whipped cream, spray it on your tits and between your legs. BOOM.”

“Ew! That’s gross, Amelia!”

“It’s something to try, something different.”

“Ames, are you okay?”

“Sure, never been better.” I heard my doorbell ring. “But I gotta go. I just ordered takeout, and I think the delivery guy is here.”

“Oh please come over! I can’t do this without you!”

“Sure you can. Just do the chicken paillard with the spinach. You’ll be fine.” I hung up the phone and opened the door.

“Your chicken, milady.” Tom swept into my apartment, a KFC bag in his hand.

“Oooh, did you get the corn? And extra biscuits?” I skipped behind Tom as he walked into my living room and set the food down on my coffee table.

“Mmmm, of course I did.” He leaned down to kiss me, chuckling when I swiped at his lips with my tongue.

“Why do you taste so sweet?” I rubbed his bottom lip with my thumb.

“Maybe I got an early start on dessert.” Tom stood up and pulled a can of whipped cream out of his back pocket.

“Oh.” I could feel myself blush. “And what, my friend, do you intend to eat with that?”

Tom pulled me in close, slipping his hand down to my ass so he could squeeze it while he kissed me, gently at first and then deeply. I moaned when his tongue met mine, then rolled my hips into him. He was already hard.

“You. I thought…” Tom started to walk me back to my bedroom. “I thought I could start by feasting on you.” I fell back on my bed with a bounce when he pushed me gently.

“You’re not worried about spoiling your appetite? What about your diet?”

Tom shook his head as he began to slowly pull off his shirt. “Diet’s off, darling. As long as you’re on the menu.”


End file.
